Describing Emotion With Body Language in Writing
By Mary Kole
Mary Kole is a former literary agent, freelance editor, writing teacher, author of Writing Irresistible Kidlit, and IP developer for major publishers, with over a decade in the publishing industry.
Many manuscripts of all quality levels are laced with body language in writing. Writers tend to do it because they want to describe emotions without (they think) falling into the trap of “show, don’t tell”. But there are some missteps here that I see over and over again about body language in writing, especially when it rises to the level of physical cliché. Let’s read on to unpack this hot button issue that could make your writing as amateur in the slush pile.
Defining Body Language in Writing
If you’re wondering what I even mean by “body language in writing,” that’s where you’ll write that “her voice lodged in her throat” or “butterflies danced in his stomach” or “her heart thrashed against her ribcage like a caged bird.” These can also include blushing (embarrassment or attraction), wide eyes (surprise), white knuckles (anger), and any other familiar bit of body language in writing that we encounter every day.
Many writers struggle with guiding the reader emotionally without resorting to physical clichés and body language in writing. They only do it because they are terrified of telling ANYTHING, so they have their characters pantomiming every emotion without going beneath the surface via interiority. Big mistake. If you were once instructed to "show, don’t tell" and to "avoid clichés", it’s reasonable that you started detailing the status of each of your protagonist’s organs. This gets old quickly, and I find myself making this note in most manuscripts as a freelance editor.
Body Language in Writing and the Issue of Telling
There is a difference between 'Bad Telling' and 'Good Telling' when it comes to character development, and an excess of body language in writing can often seem superficial. This is where the writing tool of interiority comes in.
Expressing feelings in words is a tricky task. You don’t want to fall into the trap of naming emotions. Instead, you want to create the emotions in your character by going through their point of view (POV) lens and really living, feeling, and describing emotions they’re having in your plot.
With the right story context and interiority, you can create a vivid picture that truly immerses your reader in the story, while still leaving them with a sense of participation. Hearts, stomachs, butterflies, and releasing breaths you didn't even know you were holding … this flagrant use of writing body language is not how you create an impactful story.
Here’s an example of how to describe emotion via what I call Bad Telling, using a ton of body language in writing:
Moxie's heart sank as she mustered on stage for the final time. The thought of no longer being able to sneak peeks of Tobin performing as Hamlet felt like a dagger piercing her chest. It was as if the stars had aligned for Moxie and Tobin, only for them to be forced apart, just like Shakespeare's own Hamlet and Ophelia. As the curtains fell for the last time, Moxie's sorrow began to swell, and her tears threatened to spill over; she wasn't sure what she'd do without it all.
On the flip side, here’s an example where we dodge body language in writing and describe emotion via Good Telling, using interiority:
Moxie stood, feeling a heavy weight bearing down on her as she was cut off from the audience by the thick, red curtain. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness as the clapping began in the theater. This was the last curtain call. The last time she would don the role of Ophelia, and be pushed to the brink of insanity. The last time she could peek out from the wings and watch the audience intently, as Tobin delivered his famous 'To be or not to be' soliloquy with a deep, slow breath.
Moxie blinked away the tears as the curtain swung up and she threw on her most dazzling smile, feeling the electricity in the air. For the last time, she secured the fake blood packet into Tobin's vest backstage, right before his fateful duel scene. He grabbed her hand and when would she ever get such a perfect excuse again? The audience beyond the footlights, clapping and shouting in rapturous joy, became a blur and Moxie knew this would be the last time for that too.
The Difference Between Interiority and Body Language In Writing
Dive in with me now, and compare the differences between Bad Telling and physical clichés when it comes to expressing character emotion. Is the second sample "good" or not? You may decide for yourself, but one thing is for certain—the second example dives beneath the surface of Moxie’s experience much more deeply and adds a lot of layers! It allows us to gain a greater understanding of Moxie's character, the context of her situation and the nuances of her emotions—all without resorting to body language in writing.
Here’s another example where we get some body language in writing and Bad Telling:
As the drape descended, Moxie knew it was time for Tobin to make his swift exit from his regal casket and be part of the closing curtain call. She hastily wiped her eyes, erasing any tear-induced makeup smudges and her heart thudded … not from the thrill of the show's climax and ending, but for a different reason. And there he was. Tobin, smiling charismatically, ran up to her with a glint in his eye that she couldn't quite decipher. She grabbed his hand as the curtain re-opened. Her face was then heated with a crimson flush.
There's nothing inherently wrong with this sample; some may even like it. Before anything else, that physical cliché is glaringly apparent. While "She wiped at her eyes" might not explicitly tell the audience, the gesture is so familiar for signifying that "Moxie is crying" that it may as well have been naming emotions. This is too obvious and superficial. We have no idea why she’s crying or what she intends for her moment with Tobin. We don’t know why she’s doing what she’s doing—all we have is body language in writing, which can only tell us so much.
Not to mention, Moxie identifies a glint in his eye but can’t interpret it. Readers, then, have no “evidence” to see and believe about what he might be thinking, since they’re not able to interpret his body language in writing. They just have Moxie telling them about it, which falls flat.
Romantic moments between characters tend to be full of opportunities for physical clichés. Spicy moments that happen between two lovebirds are the ideal place to show off your writing chops without tripping all over common romance tropes. But how do you express the magnetic attraction without relying on the same clichés of eyes and mouths and those significant looks that unfold over an intimate dinner, leading to the bedroom? You've got the pen, so be creative! Don't let the tried-and-true body language in writing images make your prose seem simplistic or superficial.
When we talk about expressing emotions in writing, it’s easy to fall into a pattern and repeat the same tropes. Yuck! So instead of using tired phrases like a character tapping their foot in impatience, let’s see inside the character’s head and learn about the high stakes if they’re late. For example:
Erin couldn’t be late. Not today. If she missed seeing Grandma off at the airport, she might never see her again.
This example ditches the body language in writing entirely and instead focuses on the character’s thought process, giving readers valuable context about why she needs to be on time.
Your Novel Isn’t a Film, So Don’t Use Body Language in Writing
Perhaps most importantly, keep your chosen medium in mind. You are likely writing a novel or a memoir. With this format, you have deep access to the character’s inner life via interiority. In film, we can see and interpret and react to an actor’s version of the material. Film is a visual medium. Body language in writing does not always translate, because body language is visual.
Have you ever wondered why we are so great at understanding physical descriptions? It all comes down to us being visual creatures. When we watch movies, TV, or even interact with others, it's easy to see the head tilts, subtle body language shifts and more that communicate volumes. It's like our brains have a built-in "Ah-ha!" moment when we recognize these signs. We’re wired to do this. But remember, in film and photography and video games and other visual modes of storytelling, we have actors and avatars interpreting the body language.
What looks good on-screen doesn't always read the same way on paper. Those facial expressions and body language that we are so good at internalizing when we see them, aren't as effective when presented in writing. It's tough to express feelings accurately in words and they don't always have the same impact as a picture, because "A picture is worth a thousand words".
Don’t write about the external only, as if you’re making a film. Ditch your attempts at body language in writing and embrace the other storytelling options available to you. Although some stories and descriptions can be incredibly vivid and filled with action, it's not always the case. Writing can be incredibly powerful, but the emotions don't truly come alive through the physicality of a character, or body language in writing. I much prefer to focus on the inner life of a character and mix it with the plot to create a compelling story.
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