Query Letter Style Do’s and Don’ts
By Mary Kole
Mary Kole is a former literary agent, freelance editor, writing teacher, author of Writing Irresistible Kidlit, and IP developer for major publishers, with over a decade in the publishing industry.
Once you master your basic query letter, you will want to think about query letter style, which can enhance your submissions. Is there anything you can do to level up your query letter? Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. There are some specific mistakes pertaining to query letter style that I would see all the time in the slush pile when I was a literary agent. Let’s unpack them here.
Considerations of Query Letter Style
Ideally, your query letter voice should be in the first person. It's a minor adjustment, and it's not likely to make or break your query letter, but if you've been questioning which point of view (POV) to write in, first person point of view is best. Avoid third person point of view when it comes to talking about yourself—this often sounds contrived and saps your query letter style.
If you’re noodling around for ideas to make your query letter style stand out, please don’t fall for the temptation of writing your query letter in your character’s voice. These query letters do stand out—but for all the wrong reasons. You are the writer, so you are writing the query, not your protagonist. This is a query letter, not an acting exercise.
Here’s an example of query letter style that overshadows the pitch completely:
Greetings! I'm Madison, a twelve year old with a knack for wild and thrilling adventures with my pals. Though they may claim I'm the leader, it's Kelsey Wagner, a Philadelphia schoolteacher with a Bachelor's degree in Child Psychology, who is capturing all the action in writing. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it sure sounds interesting! If you're curious to see what my story is all about, then read on!
Writers often wonder whether their query is too dry and lacking in query letter style. They want to jazz it up with voice or humor. Personally, I'm not too fond of when a query letter is over the top and tries too hard to make a splash. It's okay to inject some character and charm into the query, but first you have to make sure that your query letter style matches your project. But too much can seem like a gimmick.
Your query letter is an attempt to make an impression with your writing, but you want to make an impact with the substance of your book pitch rather than the query letter style. Think of it as the handshake that introduces you to an agent. It should be crafted in a professional manner, just like a job application. After all, who would want to submit a CV laced with emojis and memes? (If you find a job opening that requires memes to apply, let me know, as I’d love to work there. Memes are my love language over at Good Story Company.)
Query Letter Style … or Gimmick?
When it comes to getting noticed by writing agents with your query letter style, gimmicks can be a bit of a gamble. More often than not, these peculiar pitches become the stuff of “tale-swapping” after writing conferences—something like, "Have you heard about that one guy who showed up to an agent pitch meeting dressed as a giant baby?” (I might have made that up, but who knows, weirder things have happened at writer’s conferences.) The bottom line is, always stay professional in your query letter style and aim for a straightforward approach.
During season three of the TV show, Arrested Development, struggling actor Tobias turned to his daughter Maeby, who was secretly working as a prominent film producer, and told her that he was preparing goodie bags for casting directors. The bags contained his photos, candy, vaguely threatening notes, and glitter pouches ... all in an effort to capture their attention.
Maeby, feeling jaded by the film industry and obviously horrified at his approach, uttered a warning: “Casting directors won't like this!” Immediately after, a casting director opened one of the packets, only to get a glittery surprise to the face. He screamed to a colleague that nobody should ever hire Tobias.
Take a long, hard look at your pitch strategy and your query letter style. If you’re trying too hard to be clever and “voicey,” you might want to come back to a simpler and more straightforward pitch. Don’t let your query letter style eclipse your query letter substance. It’s all about getting that agent or publisher to read the manuscript, after all, rather than becoming a cautionary tale.
Click here to purchase Irresistible Query Letters, my book on query letters, including over forty examples with comprehensive notes on each one. There’s a ton of submission advice, best practices, and insider information in these pages, and you’ll really enjoy seeing what other writers are doing in the slush.