How to Show Thoughts in
a Story Manuscript
By Mary Kole
Mary Kole is a former literary agent, freelance editor, writing teacher, author of Writing Irresistible Kidlit, and IP developer for major publishers, with over a decade in the publishing industry.
It can be tricky to learn how to show thoughts in a story when writing fiction, memoir, or nonfiction. At one point or another, you will need to have your character’s thoughts rendered on the page, whether you’re writing in first person point of view or third person point of view. The question of how to show thoughts in a story shouldn’t slow you down, though. Once you learn the rules, you can incorporate this unique formatting into your writing.
How to Show Thoughts in a Story: Action and Dialogue
One of the most important aspects of writing a good story is giving readers a peek at the inner life of your characters. This can be done in a number of ways, but it's important to do it so that the character’s thoughts are clear, concise, and easy for the reader to follow. There are a few different methods of how to show thoughts in a story.
One way, if you’re wondering how to show thoughts in a story, is to use action. This is where the character's actions reveal what they're thinking or feeling. For example, if a character is biting their nails, this could show that they're anxious or nervous about something. Action can be a great way to show thoughts without resorting to dialogue or narration, but it's important not to overdo it. Too much action can make the story feel chaotic and confusing, and like you’re relying too much on body language and not enough on the character’s inner life. Use action judiciously and only when it adds something to the story.
Another technique when you want to know how to show thoughts in a story is to use dialogue. This means that the character will speak their thoughts aloud. In this case, we might not have access to that character’s point of view. If the character is honest about what they’re feeling, they can express their thoughts this way. But it can also be difficult to write realistic dialogue in a way that sounds natural. If you're going to use dialogue to show thoughts, try to read your work aloud and see whether the voice sounds organic.
How to Show Thoughts in a Story: Narration and Verbatim Thought
If dialogue isn’t what you were imagining when asking how to show thoughts in a story, you probably mean putting thoughts in narration or verbatim dialogue. This is where the narrator tells the reader what the character is thinking, either verbatim or in compressed narration. This can be effective in getting across complex thoughts or emotions, but it's important to make sure the narration doesn't take over the story or simply name emotions. You can get into the midst of the show vs tell argument here. Too much narration can make the story feel dry and dull. Use narration sparingly and only when it's absolutely necessary.
Finally, the last technique of how to show thoughts in a story is by using interiority, and narrating the character’s verbatim thoughts. When narrative summary, dialogue, and action won't get a specific thought across, let the character give readers that thought directly.
You can do this in two ways, either by putting the content of the verbatim thought in italics formatting, or by giving readers the text of the thought and adding a “they thought” tag, especially if you’re in third person point of view. (A “thought” tag is less necessary in the first person point of view, where we’re as close as we can possibly be inside the narrator’s head.)
Learning how to show thoughts in a story is an important skill for any writer to master. As you explore this idea for yourself, don’t forget to use action, dialogue, narration, and interiority via verbatim thought. You have many tools at your disposal to effectively show what your characters are thinking and feeling, without resorting to info dumps or telling instead of showing. Keep these tips in mind next time you sit down to write, and you'll be sure to wow your readers with your thought-provoking (and thought-containing!) prose.
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